You've Gotta Wise Up

For Chist's Sake Take Care Of Yourself

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You give me miles and miles of Mountains, and I'll ask for the Sea.
Just write it, just put it out there, just let it out of myself.

I don't feel anything anymore. No butterflies when someone new leans in to kiss me or tells me i'm perfect and beautiful. 
Not since you. last spring, and summer, just having you hold me, kiss me at my door, even the sex. I can't even get wet anymore, for anyone, not since we slept together last June, the last time we made love not just fucked.
The thing is; I'm okay without you, I hear what you've been doing, who you've been sleeping with, see you at parties, and I don't feel love for you anymore, I don't cry for you anymore. 

But I don't feel anything for anyone. And i'm scared that life will go on and on, turning me in and out, and I won't feel intensity like that again. Someone will rub there fingers up my spines' knobs and i won't quake on the inside, feel the surge and blush in every cell.

Why Can't I? I just want to feel something, anything, god damnit. 
I'd like to atleast cry, and feel that catharsis afterward, but I haven't felt that in a long while either. 
The closest i've felt to love, or intensity of any kind was last night, when I climbed on a roof with the boys dearest to me and smoked a blunt while counting the few stars we could see in louisvilles' light polluted sky. I felt like I was in a very right place on a warm night.I think I said "i want this every night" and "this is my perfect moment" too much to count.

I know I am not empty, when I see babies or toddlers my heart feels light and hope develops. 
But I have not met a pair of eyes that can meet mine and melt me.
I need to Thaw. I desperately want to.


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i know this feeling.
the need and want to feel, anything... anything at all.

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