| Sylvia Plath |
[01 Dec 2009|07:35pm] |
So two weeks and I start therapy, it's like taking a huge backward step.
I started painting again, which may or may not be a good sign.
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| i don't even know where i belong |
[09 Nov 2009|05:48pm] |
i get yelled at for not being around, i get talked about when i am.
what is the point in it all?
that is why i'm going to fake it, if no one wants to fix the bad, they just want to sweep it under the rug, i'll stay gone, i'll stay busy and i'll fake a smile when i have to.
on a happier note, dean and his brothers are amazing, i don't know what i'd do without them.
pumpkin bust fall 09
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[03 Nov 2009|12:05pm] |
i never have much worth saying. i'm anxious.
there are good things in my life and good people i see very chance i get.
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| and i'm still blonde |
[30 Oct 2009|01:06am] |
registered for classes this morning: amer lit 1, amer lit 2, greek 202, ethics, sociology of families.
second interview coming up, it's making me anxious but excited.
kimi and eric broke up, it's really scary and strange. i based a lot of my belief in love during college on this pretty redhead south african girl and her blue-eyed love. it's rough for the rest of us, i can 't imagine how they feel.
on a lighter note, i love the smell of pumpkins.
i helped vince and frank and nick carve pumpkins at lxa and it was such a rush, knowing it's fall.
it's fall and im eating pumpkin seeds and listening to owen and on a diet to help me gain weight.
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[19 Oct 2009|05:19pm] |
maybe i'm happy, atleast content.
the aftermath is still pulsating through my life.
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| Plop, Luh you, Skee Bop, Tula Belle |
[09 Oct 2009|06:19pm] |
I've been wearing my hair natural- you know wavy. and i like it, it's kind of a mess but a good mess.
sean carried me over a puddle the other night, which is awfully nice and maybe our friendship isn't so ruined.
it was good seeing becca yesterday, so weird though to be in the room i eat lunch in everyday and hear her call my name! but very very pleasant.
I'm really fed up with people saying you can't change bad situations, you can always change them as the wonderful Kate would say. I really believe her too, that is why this weekend home will be good, to collect my thoughts and make a plan. I don't want to believe that month i spent completely on edge was in vain.
I like spending time in dean's room, and i like when teddy and sunshine visit and we spend the night laughing and singing. those are the moments i live for right now.
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[26 Sep 2009|02:39pm] |
I'm booked.left and right i have meetings and events to attend or work.
oh the hustle, it's invigorating.
I joined Cards for Christ. it's interesting, they're all so nice, but i am torn. I have my own views and i don't believe written word can change them. But i am giving it a try, because it seems good and it feels nice.
But i do miss home, i miss mom and friends and babies. Although today was Pike's philanthrapy kickball tournment for Big Brothers, Big Sisters, and the kids were there.
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[17 Sep 2009|10:42am] |
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i'm terrified.
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[14 Sep 2009|05:42pm] |
i spend too many nights sitting on porches all along greek row while boys play guitar, and i sing too softly to be heard.
although i have a lot of big plans in mind.
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| Rush Week is Over. |
[04 Sep 2009|07:10pm] |
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sneaking in and out of dean's window is easier than everything else i've been doing lately.
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| just last a year |
[25 Aug 2009|12:17am] |
oh boy, and by oh boy i mean i am sick of boys.
i am sicking of being sung to while you play guitar, every
one staring and saying you must be in love.
because you are not, nor will you ever be in love with me.
i am grateful for free hookah and beer nights.
also when i do not have to sleep alone.
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[05 Aug 2009|10:04am] |
I move back to louisville sunday.
and for this i am thankful.
almost everything is packed
i'm still working on some cards so they're strung out across my bare room.
my dresses and letter shirts are packed but i think i'll wait to pack my clothes until friday.
Rick and Anthony made me so sad today when they were saying how wonderful it has been to work with me.
and Larry was thanking me for bandaging his arm up yesterday.
It just all seems to nice to leave, and they joke i should stay here and not go back to school.
It's tempting in ways but I'm still searching for that something, you know?
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[04 Aug 2009|12:17pm] |
So today i was reading over old livejournals come to pass,i read an entry, from someone else's point a view. but i remember this day clearly and i think it'd be nice to write it out from mine.
The boy(because at this point he was clearly still a boy) i thought i loved had a first love. And this first love was sitting at the lunch table crying, for God only knows what reason why. and a good friend of all parties, just looks at me and says "That is the difference between you and her, you wouldn't let him see you like that".
anyway, i guess the point is, that is probably why i am writing all this shit here instead of telling him(not the him from above, clearly).
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[03 Aug 2009|02:09pm] |
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today i am in the office alone, mom is at the hospital. this is a first, spending 9 hours alone here, but it feels good, like i could run things if i had to. also today is the first day i feed tucker while melissa's family is in the mountains.I like this responsible feeling i'm getting.
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| Hallejuah By and By |
[31 Jul 2009|08:52pm] |
i got my nails done and my hair dyed another shade lighter of blonde and bought a new low cut dress. i feel nice. i really want to be sweet and kind, i really don't mind misquito bites. i want to hold babies. i want for sarah not to drink and get sad saying we don't have boyfriends because we were made for marriage and no boys our age want that yet. i want for sarah to be happy and play gutiar and sing so beautifully to us. and i want melissa and blake to keep smiling at each other the way they do. I love the gospel music we listen to together, and i love feeling like everything will be fine in time.
how i live
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| Some Things are Born to Strong. |
[23 Jul 2009|12:59pm] |
my written journal is just another book sitting on my bedside table, maybe i should give it a try?
"my fingers
move sly against your palm
like women everywhere we speak in code"
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| Always When It's Rainy. |
[22 Jul 2009|08:07am] |
wolf spider running around the office, i can't help but hope mark's bug spray missed her and she gets to have her babies.
she was absolutely beautiful.
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[21 Jul 2009|03:24pm] |
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name tags, gift bags, bid day shirts, paint for our letters. these last two days have been jam-packed, constantly on my toes with recruitment so close. three weeks until i am back in louisville for work week, and then two more weeks until melissa moves in to our apartment/dorm(fuckwhatever). while i'm gone mom will be painting my room in leitchfield seaside blue. everything feels like it's pushing forward, and not in that terryfing way. sometimes i look at what i've built for myself and what i'm doing(freshman chapter development delegate, new member educator, vice president of membership recruitment elect, officer of the month in january, 100% pref rate although i've only sping preffed one girl i'm still proud, all in my first year) and i am overwhelmed with happiness and pride and i want to share it with someone, someone who will appreciate it and likewise strive for all they can.
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| Take your Medicine!! |
[15 Jul 2009|04:21pm] |
A large screeching bug beats itself against my ceiling until it died.
fuck.
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| What compels me to go? |
[15 Jul 2009|07:59am] |
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i was lying on the couch, knees poking up in the air, and he held fast to my ankle like i was going to run. when i moved he looked like i wounded him. but sometimes you just have to get going.
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forgetursweater's journal